BEST OF DAILY FAIL
A brief, tongue-in-cheek look at curvy, suggestive and lowkey sexism in the media. Here’s 5 things we learnt this month from Instagram account the Daily Fail Online.
1. New Year, New Body Anxieties!
Was your self-belief not reduced this Christmas to brandy soaked crumbs by the calorie count on your pud? Still feeling fabulous despite the snug leggings and pinching jeans? Well January 1st has come and gone and so your body confidence should have too, babe. You’ll be visually assaulted from all angles this month on how to remedy this bout of ill-timed self assurance. Time for the ‘old you’ to go and the ‘new you’ to prepare for 2020’s makeover. In the meantime, here’s an advert for some weight loss shots to keep you on your toes and, more importantly, the scales.
2. Jealousy Sells
There’s nothing quite like the thrill of someone turning up to your party, wearing the same bodycon dress as you but just not resembling a poorly stuffed sleeping bag cover. Only me? Green’s this season’s hottest shade, so don’t miss out on your daily fill of envy. If you’re short of people, clothes, beauty and bodies to compare yourself to, look no further than model Rosie Huntington-Whiteley’s holiday snaps. Guaranteed, you can and will feel worse about yourself in every possible way. Because we’re telling you to.
3. Plastic Surgery Fixes Everything
Even if you did make it through the Christmas break with your confidence intact, as the old saying goes: if it ain’t broke, pre-empt it breaking with as much filler as you can get your mitts on. Forget meditation apps, bubble baths and self-love. Surgery is our top tip for bettering yourself this year and if you can’t see something wrong in the mirror, peer closer. Here’s a tactful and discreetly labelled diagram so you can check for those orange-peel thighs (and then look up what that means) in the comfort of your own home.
4. Female celebs get the best kind of attention
Isn’t it funny? People think the patriarchy exists, but poor Jack from Love Island’s living his best life and only being recognised for the strength of his padded jacket. We’ll let the captions do the talking with this one.
5. Meghan Markle’s makeup is always newsworthy
And finally, for those of you who care, it turns out there’s no occasion too sombre, no topic too serious, to excuse Meghan Markle from the lens of a carefully trained beauty specialist. Not even a Remembrance Day Centenary Service. Bravo.
That’s it from us for January. For more scathing satire to help you flaunt your pert, toned, peachy and lithe knowledge of celebrity culture head to @dailyfailonline on Instagram.